Retroactive Jealousy: They said something that TRIGGERED ME.
Retroactive Jealousy: My partner said something that triggered me, now what?
If you suffer from retroactive jealousy, it is likely you have attempted to ask your partner questions about their past. This can serve as temporary relief but in reality it just makes the retroactive jealousy worse.
Once you have become triggered by the information given to you about your partners past you may find it difficult to contain your frustration and anger.
Sometimes, the retroactive jealousy sufferer does not even ask a question but the past still comes up naturally in conversation.
If this is you, know that there is a way to communicate your frustrations and needs to your partner when it comes to their past and how it bothers you.
Most people will say things along the lines of “you know I have retroactive jealousy, why would you say that?” “You must not care about my feelings” “you must still be thinking of them” etc.
This can lead to the retroactive jealousy sufferers' partner feeling defensive, shutting down and not communicating.
To avoid this case scenario, remember to communicate your emotions in a way where you are actually taking responsibility for them. A lot of the time your partner does not mean to hurt you.
Some examples:
“ I feel triggered because of what you said, what was your intention behind bringing it up?”
“ I feel upset/angry/ not special/ compared after what you said about your ex/exes can you please be more mindful in the future, until I am able to overcome retroactive jealousy?”
Always remember to start the sentences with “I feel” instead of “you made me feel”, as a retroactive jealousy sufferer it is important to own your emotions and thoughts.
By communicating clearly with your partner and avoiding attacking them you will be able to have a stronger, better and more secure relationship which will help you overcome retroactive jealousy a lot faster.
Watch the video above on what to do if your partner triggered you for more details!
