Does having retroactive jealousy make you insecure?

Does struggling with retroactive jealousy always have to do with insecurities and fears?

On our youtube channel we talk a lot about figuring out the meaning that you've attached to your partner's past, what brings up the intense emotions,  what are you trying to figure out, solve or understand.

That all definitely plays into RJ. We have seen it over and over again.

However it's also important to talk about how if you don't agree with your partner's past or have an opinion on it, that doesn't necessarily make you insecure.

I was talking to one of my clients the other day and although insecurities and fears have definitely played a role in  their struggle with retroactive jealousy, they've arrived to a place where they can comfortably and confidently say that they don't agree with certain things and that doesn't have to mean they are insecure. They also mentioned that they do not feel that there is something's wrong with them. 

In fact forcing yourself to be okay with something when you are not can cause more harm and confusion.

Many times retroactive jealousy sufferers put themselves down for not agreeing or liking their partner's past or aligning with some of today’s social “norms”.

Now, this doesn't mean that you need to break up with your partner just because you don't agree with what they did in their past. 

That's up to you to decide.

I really believe that you can  have an opinion about their past, not agree with it, not like it, but also still be  in a relationship with them and not force yourself to be okay with it, or label yourself in a negative way. 

What can be tricky is determining whether or not the retroactive jealousy is due to an insecurity/fear disguised as “just an opinion”. 

Watch the video above if you want to know more about how to tell the difference.