Retroactive Jealousy, feeling “settled” for.
Someone left a comment under our Youtube Video asking the following question:
How do we manage intrusive thoughts of the nature "my partner went and had all his/her fun in the younger years and now all I'm getting is someone who wants to settle just because time passes and they're just tired and had enough fun?”
First of all I would recommend, asking yourself this question:
Do I think I know my partner better than they know themselves?
Do I get reassurance such as “I love you, I am so happy I found you, I feel so grateful to be in a relationship with you etc” but do not really believe it? or at least not for more than a day or week before I need to ask for reassurance AGAIN?
OR
Has your partner told you the past is something they perhaps regret, would not do again, don’t hold in high value but you just don’t believe it.
You almost think you know them better than themselves. You think you know what they felt, their thoughts, what they did etc, in the past and that is it.
More often than not, it is difficult for Retroactive Jealousy sufferers to let in their partners' good words.
This is because THEY do not believe they are as exciting as, as good as, as special as…fill in the blank (“crazy” past experiences)
If this resonates, I would encourage you to look at beliefs and conclusions you have formed about yourself, why and when did this happen?
Are they true?
Ask yourself how you view yourself in a relationship. What do you bring to the table?
Do you think you are a great, amazing partner or just a boring person that someone just “settled for”?
Lastly, a big reason people feel this way is because they have not had experiences of their own.
Maybe they have regrets on what they did NOT do in their younger years and are now projecting that on to their partner because they feel jealous.
The media is also responsible for this, glamorising and idealising the “signle life”, “party life” and “hookup culture”.
Please watch the video above for more details!:)
Thank you for reading!
