Retroactive Jealousy: How to STOP asking questions.

Retroactive Jealousy: How to STOP asking questions.

If you are a retroactive jealousy sufferer, finding yourself asking your partner questions when triggered, only to regret it afterwards then this video/blog is for you!

Addressing why you feel the need to ask questions to begin with is key!

When we seek reassurance, whether that is asking our partner questions, researching the internet, talking to friends and family and/or stalking the ex on social media, the most important thing to remember is that your mind is wired to seek pleasure and to move you away from pain. 

Why? Because it's trying to keep you alive. 

Your mind's idea of pleasure when suffering from Retroactive Jealousy, is seeking reassurance.

Pain = Getting triggered (feelings of anxiety, anger, hopelessness, sadness)

Pleasure = Acting out compulsions (to feel control, safety, understanding, clarity)  which is just temporary relief that does not serve you in the long run. 

So, you get triggered (feel pain) and then urgently try to move away from that and towards pleasure by asking your partner questions, researching the internet, asking friends for reassurance and comparing your relationships to other people.

How to stop asking questions?

Let your mind know that pleasure is not asking questions anymore. 

I want you to consciously make the decision to change that reaction, to change the meaning of “pleasure” that you have assigned to asking questions and seeking validation.

Gradually, every time you get a thought, every time you feel uncomfortable, every time you feel anxious or fearful, instead of acting out a compulsion to feel pleasure, do something else that will serve you better in the long run.

This could mean going for a walk, journaling, exercising, meditating, anything that will make you feel better, even if it's not to the point where reassurance will, for now you're training your mind to not interpret asking questions as “pleasure”.

Each time from now on, when you get an intrusive thought, instead of seeking reassurance in an unhealthy way, practice investing your time better by doing something that will give you a better return on your results with overcoming retroactive jealousy in the future.

Do this for 21 days minimum, and see how your mind rewires itself and it does not associate asking questions and seeking reassurance/ external validation to “pleasure”.

Make the pleasure a walk, a manicure, a massage, meditating, journaling, anything that you enjoy, anything that you like to do, make that your pleasure instead of asking questions and seeking reassurance.

Watch the video above for further details on how to stop asking questions when struggling with retroactive jealousy.