Retroactive Jealousy: Why did she give herself to people in the past so easily and I have to work so hard?

Retroactive Jealousy: Why did she give herself to people in the past so easily but I have to work so hard?

This often is a question men ask and it comes up mostly in committed long term relationships where the people involved have been together for a long time.

This question can cause resentment, anger and lack of understanding between the couple. 

They say that most men feel connected, loved and close to their partner when they are physically intimate with them. 

When there is little to no physical intimacy, questions such as “why did she give herself to him so easily and I have to work so hard?” can come up from someone that suffers with Retroactive Jealousy. 

My advice: Do not compare yourself to people in your partner's past like that. Especially if you are with someone that is committed to you long term, is building a future with you, has been by your side for years or has children with you (or wants to in the future).

Committed relationships go through ups and downs. They go through rough patches where sexual intimacy can become affected and this is normal. 

Perhaps you are not communicating clearly right now, maybe there has been a big life change that affected your relationship. Maybe you are overworked and stressed and you are not being intimate as a result.

Instead of comparing yourself or her experience in the past to your life today, focus on working on what needs attention in your relationship/marriage. 

If it is physical intimacy you crave, communicate that in a considerate way but be open to your partners perspective too.  What do you each need to feel loved, seen, valued and understood?

Most women need to feel appreciated, listened to, safe and secure before sexual intimacy is considered in a long term relationship.

Focus on working together to fix what is broken instead of blaming and comparing a long term, committed relationship to something a lot more casual and meaningless from the past.

Watch the video above for more details.