Should I stop asking friends, family and strangers on Reddit for reassurance?

If you are currently struggling with Retroactive Jealousy, chances are you have tried to ask the people around you or even strangers on the internet for their opinion on your situation.

You may have brought it up to friends and family only to find that either way, their opinion does not comfort you.

If a family member or friend told you to "Just get over the past. Don't think about it", or "It’s not a big deal," chances are their advice ended up not helping the Retroactive Jealousy and the intrusive thoughts. It may have even exacerbated the issue for you.

If, on the other hand, they tell you, "Your partner's past is too much and you should leave them," you probably will be left feeling confused and sad because you love your partner and want to be with them (when not triggered).

In both cases, likely, you will just end up even more confused and stressed than before.

You may have even tried online Retroactive Jealousy support groups on Facebook and/or Reddit.

Many people have said that they found comfort in them initially, knowing that other people were going through the same thing.

But after a while, frustration starts to set in as nothing really resonates deep down so you start to make long posts asking other people that have the same issue as you for reassurance.

This can be a slippery slope to go down because other people are going to be projecting their frustration, anger and insecurities onto you, even inadvertently.

Unfortunately, this can result in you feeling triggered instead of reassured.

The key is to understand that NO ONE’S opinion matters more than your own. No one knows your partner like you do, no one knows your relationship like you do.

You can ask a thousand people for their opinion and their answers will vary depending on where they are from, how they were brought up, their religion, past experiences, fears, traumas and the conclusions they came to as a result.

It is a good thing to start trusting yourself.

Start trusting your own judgement, get comfortable with uncertainty and make a decision regarding what you want to do in the relationship.

It is perfectly normal to be unsure at times.

Start educating yourself. Bringing awareness to what insecurities or fears you might be projecting onto your partner's past. Focus on that instead of asking other people for their opinions.

Maybe you do have different values and beliefs and you can work on it, maybe you are just not compatible or maybe you need to get help.

Either way though, the choice must be yours. This is how you take control back over your life.

No one knows you, your partner, your relationship, or how you truly feel and what you want better than you do.

Yes, it might take work, healing and figuring out the future but it is better than allowing other people's opinions to dictate your life.