What to do when triggered. For Retroactive Jealousy, ROCD and Relationship Anxiety Sufferers.
When you get intrusive thoughts regarding your relationship it is likely you feel triggered on a physical and mental level.
You may try to calm yourself down, using logic but that rarely (if ever) works.
The body goes into fight or flight automatically, this is because of unconscious beliefs and conclusions you have adopted in the past that are clashing with what your reality looks like today.
Changing old unconscious beliefs and patterns takes work and time.
However, there are a couple of things you can do to calm yourself down in the moment when you feel triggered or it feels like your body is taking over due to the intense emotions you are experiencing.
1.Change the way you breathe.
When we are stressed we automatically take shallow short breaths. You can change this by consciously putting one hand on your belly and one on your chest. Making sure that when you breathe, you are sending oxygen all the way down to your belly and then your chest.
Letting your body know this way that there is no real threat. You are not in any physical danger. By controlling your breathing you are controlling your body and your mind as well.
2. De-focus to calm you down even further.
My mentor, Ryan Montis, who was previously a private investigator and served in the Canadian Army taught this technique to soldiers to help them get from a flight or flight state to a very calm state quickly and effectively.
You begin by inhaling (through your nose) and exhaling (out of your mouth) for three rounds. On the third round you roll your eyes up and keep your gaze up into the shadow of your brow. Keep your focus there for three rounds of breath.
On your third exhale gaze straight ahead focusing on something directly in front of you (it could be an object or a spot on the wall). As you keep breathing gently, start to defocus and calmly become aware of everything in your peripheral vision. Your focus will drift around as you do this but keep breathing calmly and gently de-focusing. Stay like this for at least 10 rounds of breath.
This takes a little bit of practice so it's a good thing to persist. You are actively taking control of the way you breathe and the way you see things.
By doing so it will start to shift your body from a panicked state to a calmer and more relaxed state.
The goal is for you to take back control and feel calm and empowered even in the face of adversity. This way you let your body know that the thoughts are not a real threat, and they are no longer charged with emotion.
Watch the video above for more details on how to calm yourself down when you feel triggered.