Retroactive Jealousy: How do I stop the compulsions?

Retroactive Jealousy: How do I stop the compulsions?

A lot of people ask this question!

Suffering from retroactive jealousy can have a big impact on your relationship. Whether you shut down, ask questions, stalk exes on social media or start arguments as a result of getting triggered here are some tips on how to stop. 

The 21 day calendar.

Habits can be hard to break! Your mind naturally prefers what is familiar. 

For your mind familiar = safety. It want’s to move you away from pain and towards comfort. 

So, when you get triggered and are in pain it will urge you to act out a compulsion if that is what will brings you temporary relief and has also become a habit (familiar). 

Make a 21 day calendar with 21 boxes (one for each day) . Set a goal to not act out a compulsion for that amount of time. Each day you do not act out a compulsion tick a box.

The goal is to not act out a compulsion for 21 days. This is the amount of time it takes for the mind to make what is familiar to you unfamiliar and vice versa. 

Write down a list. 

When we get triggered we experience something called emotional flooding. Emotion takes over and logic goes out the window. 

This is why fighting emotion with willpower and logic alone does not work. 

I recommend writing down the reasons why you do not want to act out a compulsion and why. What do you want instead? Why? 

Make this list personal to you, there needs to be emotion attached to it. 

When you get triggered and really want to act out a compulsion, go back to this list and read it. This way you are “fighting” the emotion you feel when triggered with positive emotions (the list) instead of trying to logically convince yourself to not engage in one. 

For more information please watch the video above! Please also let me know what has helped you in your recovery journey by leaving a comment :)