Why do I compare myself in my relationship?
Comparing yourself in your relationship can cause intrusive thoughts either about your partner's past (Retroactive Jealousy) or the future and current state of your relationship (ROCD/Relationship Anxiety)
On a logical level, you know you are unique. All your fingerprints are unique and there is no one on this planet that is like you. However, on an emotional level you struggle to really comprehend this.
A few signs that could indicate you compare yourself to others are:
You doubt yourself and your decisions or you are afraid to make decisions in the first place.
You compare yourself to the people in your partner's past (Retroactive Jealousy)
You worry about the future with your partner (Relationship Anxiety/ROCD). Are my feelings strong enough? Are they “the one”?
You judge others but you are also very hard on yourself (perfectionism)
You are not happy with anything in your life, from your clothes to the house you live in to the car you drive. It just is not “good enough”.
You feel envious of other people’s possessions, appearance, success and joy. Someone always has something better and it bothers you.
The biggest reason that is driving comparisons is social media and the media in general.
Being able to take so many photos and videos, edit and post them online gives a very false sense of perfection and pushes an “ideal” way of being, which is not reality. It does not exist but people will keep selling it to you anyway.
Another reason you might find yourself comparing yourself is because you engage in conversations that are triggering about other people's relationships, hookups, conversations about the past, “who did what?” and “what are they doing now?”
Gossiping only leads to you feeling like people are also talking behind your back as well.
Somewhere inside you know you can not be compared, everyone is different, everyone is unique and has their own path in life. I found an awesome quote online to share with you and it says, “avoid comparing other people’s “outsides” to your “insides”.
You were not born comparing yourself or not feeling good enough. You demanded everything you needed without question but as time went on, circumstances, situations, parents, guardians, teachers, all had a role to play in your upbringing.
It is natural to internalise a negative event by blaming yourself especially when you are young e.g. my dad left and that must mean I am not good enough. John’s dad stayed and that must mean he is better than me and his life is better than mine.
It is natural to then draw up beliefs and conclusions about your self worth and how you measure it (often by comparison) but there is a way out of it.
Watch the video above for more information.
We hope this is helpful you! :)
